Monday, May 19, 2014

Is Sex Before Marriage A Sin in God's Eyes?

Interesting topic, and one that most Christians would respond to with a "Yea, duh, of course."  But there are some people (perhaps well-meaing, perhaps not) who contest this belief. But is it just a belief or is it spelled out in Scripture?  This was a question a young man asked his pastor recently. Not anyone I know, but I relay the story from someone else.

The young man was living with his girlfriend/fiance at the time with full intent to marry her and his arguments on the matter made sense. I mean, what does it matter, if we are going to be married anyway? Does the marriage certificate add any validity and meaning to a commitment we've already made to each other before God?

The pastor was baffled and spent days searching Scripture but returned to the man saying that he could find no specific command against per-marital sex.  Really?  This equally baffled me because even as a numbskull lay person I could think of numerous passages in both the old and the new Testaments that spoke against sex outside of marriage

Does the Bible specifically say "Thou Shalt Not Have Sex Before Marriage" ?  NO
But here are a few things it does say:

But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints Ephesians 5:3
Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry Colossians 3:5
Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.1 Corinthians 6:9-10
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge Hebrews 13:3
But that we write to them to abstain from things polluted by idols, from sexual immorality, from things strangled, and from blood. Acts 15:20

What is the definition of fornication?voluntary sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons or two persons not married to each other.

In his instruction to the Corinthians, the Apostle Paul says the following
But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

If sex before marriage was permitted, why would he encourage people to marry rather than burn?

There are a ton more verses I could list to prove my point that yes, having sex before marriage is a sin in God's eyes. Does God hate sex? Of course not! He created it for our pleasure, but like everything that's pleasurable, God put boundaries around it for our good, in order so we could enjoy it to the fullest as He intended.  For example, I love donuts. I could eat donuts all day long. But should I? Food is a great creation of the Father's, but He set limits to how much we should eat during the day and what sorts of things we should eat. If we step outside of that, we get fat and sick. If we have sex outside of marriage there are other consequences such as disease, unwanted pregnancies, and broken hearts, to name a few.

If people want to have sex outside of marriage, that's their business. I won't condemn or judge them. It's their choice. God gave them the freedom to choose how to live their lives. They can either follow Him or reject Him. But PLEASE don't try to justify your behavior by twisting the Word of God to say something it doesn't say just to suit your own lustful desires.



  1. Amen, MaryLu! People will try to twist scripture so they can continue to do what they want and feel that God approves. Satan did this very thing in the Garden of Eden. We all like to justify our sin, so what better way to do so than to turn to God’s holy word and twist it around so that what clearly is sin becomes okay. And I am amazed at how many churches who gladly call themselves Christian are doing this on so many issues! Scary times we are living in. May God have mercy on us!

    I have been meaning to tell you, MaryLu, I am glad to see you are back blogging! It was my favorite way to interact with you! Have a nice week!

    1. Thank you, Emma! It's good to be back. I stopped cause it was taking so much of my time, but honestly, I have so much to say that I feel this is a good way to get my thoughts out. :-) Yes, we live in very scary times, indeed.

  2. Mon May 19th,
    Morning, MaryLu.
    I also say: "Amen, and Amen" to all you shared. Another great word !
    Take care, and, God Bless, In Him, Brenda

  3. I admire your moxie for tackling such a touchy subject. Well said!

  4. You go, girl! Church people are sitting in the pews every Sunday who are living together and not married, and don't think twice about it. Common law...they say. The Bible says there is a way that seems right to man but the ends thereof is death.

  5. Thanks Ladies!! I'm sure I'll get some snarky comments here eventually, but hey.. the truth is the truth, and you don't hear the truth very often anymore. Thanks for coming by! Hugs

  6. Amen, MaryLu! Yes, God is absolutely clear on fornication being sin against Him. I've actually written down a list of all the verses in the back of my Bible because I've had this conversation so many times over the years. One of my friends pointed out something very insightful: when Jesus was talking to the Samaritan woman at the well, He told her that she had five husbands but the man she was living with now was not her husband. Jesus made a very clear distinction between people who were legitimately married and those who were just living together. He did not validate "intentions." Sin is clearly defined in scripture, as well as obedience. Those who truly love The Lord will obey Him no matter what the cost. Thank you for speaking out on such important topics!


  7. Thank you for your post, MaryLu!!

    It's hard to believe that a pastor would make the statement that he could find no statement against premarital sex in the bible - one of the many reasons there is dissension in so many churches, I feel!! When you can't trust your pastor - a man ordained to uphold God's teachings and commandments - to speak biblical truths, who can you trust?? Another problem with the incident in your blog, MaryLu, is that taking liberties with the scripture in one situation - leads to taking liberties in another, or all, situations!!

    Love and hugs to you, MaryLu!!

  8. I wish everyone could read this. You did a great job explaining this topic and giving scriptures from the bible. It's amazing how God set clear and understandable rules and laws for us to follow and how people do the opposite as if it means nothing. God is the final judge with the final say. Thanks for this, From LeQuita

  9. Dear MaryLu and dear all, Thank you for your thoughts shared above. You have responded to many of my questions including how and why living a holy life. God loves us so greatly and in our turn, we should love Him greatly, too. It's impossible with men but He who knows our motive shall help us if we let Him do. I am in a situation where I have to make a choice for a date. Please, pray for me so I will meet someone who will agree with me for waiting until we get married to enjoy sex and other things together. Thank you. Be all blessed in the precious name of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Love u, a.

    1. I'm lifting up a prayer for you now, Angela! God knows the desires of your heart and He will provide a Godly man to love you as you should be loved. :-)